wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
