Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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