matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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