True but thats because hes a fetus.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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