Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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