Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
