I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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