first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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