Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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