You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
