And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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