he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
