We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
