I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
