Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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