I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
