Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
