Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
