I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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