we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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