i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i think i have two assholes
love makes seman taste better
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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