3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
