so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
