Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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