You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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