I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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