I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Im part way to drunk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
