I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
