No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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