Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
did i just pee glitter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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