I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
