We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
