So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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