The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
