i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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