this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Someone came in the potted fern
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
