I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
