You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
