i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
