HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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