You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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