I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
