I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
