isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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