We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
zippers are such a cool invention
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
