who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
