That's when you crack a 10am beer
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
