I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
