2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
