What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
